Chevron

Door bell rings...

Sweet kid trying to sell newspaper subscriptions.

I feel bad, I don't want the newspaper and plus I don't know where all my cash is crumpled up.. maybe in my car? We chat for a while, I ask him where he is from and find out he is from JFK High School in Richmond, he is a senior and he likes to play football.

Poor kid has a rip in his football jersey and is stuck selling magazine subscriptions in Marin County hoping to catch a break...

He starts talking about college tuition and how Chevron (before the fire in Richmond) used to pay for his football fees and promised to pay for his college but stopped paying after saying "they don't have enough money to pay for it because of the fire at the refinery".

I tell him that sounds strange considering they are a multinational, multibillion dollar corporation profiting from.. well. The entirety of Mother Earth's oil deposits.

Poor kid just kind of laughs sadly and thanks me for my time. I ask him if he has heard of the Pell grant or all the other free and easy to get funding for low income college students. He hadn't... I tell him to remember the words Pell Grant and have a good day and he moves on to other door bells and probably gets some slammed in his face as usual.

I am about to go back to writing papers and I stop and think... ah, what the hell. I grab as much cash as I find and search for the websites of Pell Grant, Cal Grant, FAFSA and write it all down including my email address. I find him outside again after having made all the rounds of the doors and the door slammings. I hand him an envelope with the paper and the little cash I found.

I ask him why he hasn't heard of the Pell Grant, I mean you hardly have to be a good student to get it and it pays for everything -- the only requirement is that you are low income.

You are low income right?

"Yeah."

Isn't there anyone at your school telling you about this?

He says "No, we don't have no one telling us anything. The only thing they tell us is that if we get perfect grades maybe we can try to get into Harvard and Harvard will pay for us. Chevron used to pay for me but now they say they can't. They don't think about kids like me, kids that now have to knock on doors and get doors slammed on them"

Maybe you should go knock on the CEO of Chevron's door.

"He would for sure slam it in my face. They don't think about kids like me"

So no one is telling low-income graduating high school students in Richmond about the grants that are actually available to them? They are just saying Oops can't get into Harvard? Well you can't go to San Jose State.

"Nope, I had no idea about this, is it going to go away like the Chevron scholarship? I want to go to San Jose State if I go for football or if I can't go to college for football I want to go to Cal Poly because they have a good engineering program"

No it is a federal grant and it could pay for you to go to San Jose State or any state school easy. What do you want to study?

"Mechanical engineering"

Oh so Chevron stopped paying for you but maybe you will work for them one day as an engineer.

-- insert big smile on his face --

"Yeah maybe I will take over that damn company. They don't think about kids like me but if I was the boss I would remember"

Damn, what would Chevron be like if run by a low-income kid from Richmond? Why is it that the most low income students who need it the most are being denied information about free government funds for education and are forced to travel to more affluent areas to basically beg for money... too sad.

Wisdom O'Rogan

Forgive the Dream

Forgive the Dream

All your images of winter
I see against your sky.
I understand the wounds
That have not healed in you.
they exist
Because God and love
Have yet to become real enough
to allow you to forgive
The dream.
You still listen to an old alley song
That brings your body pain;
Now chain your ears
To His pacing drum and flute.
Fix your eyes upon
The magnificent arch of His brow
That supports
And allows this universe to expand.
Your hands, feet, and heart are wise
And want to know the warmth
Of a Perfect One's circle.
A true saint
Is an earth in eternal spring.

Inside the veins of a petal
on a blooming redbud tree...

 ...are hidden worlds
Where Hafiz sometimes
Resides.
I will spread A Persian carpet there
Woven with light.
We can drink wine
From a gourd I hollowed
And dried on the roof of my house.
I will bring bread I have kneaded
That contains my own
Divine genes
And cheese from a calf I raised.
My love for your Master is such
You can just lean back
And I will feed you
This truth:

Your wounds of love can only heal
When you can forgive
This dream. 

.............................. Hafiz

Wisdom O'Coelho

Does a leaf, when it falls from the tree in winter, feel defeated by the cold?
The tree says to the leaf:
‘That’s the cycle of life. You may think you’re going to die, but you live on in me. It’s thanks to you that I’m alive, because I can breathe. It’s also thanks to you that I have felt loved, because I was able to give shade to the weary traveller. Your sap is in my sap, we are one thing.’
Does a man who spent years preparing to climb the highest mountain in the world feel defeated on reaching that mountain and discovering that nature has cloaked the summit in storm clouds?
The man says to the mountain: ‘You don’t want me this time, but the weather will change and, one day, I will make it to the top. Meanwhile, you’ll still be here waiting for me.’
Does a young man, rejected by his first love, declare that love does not exist?
The young man says to himself: ‘I’ll find someone better able to understand what I feel. And then I will be happy for the rest of my days.’
Losing a battle or losing everything we thought we possessed will bring us moments of sadness, but when those moments pass, we will discover the hidden strength that exists in each of us, a strength that will surprise us and increase our self-respect.
Wait patiently for the right moment to act.
Do not let the next opportunity slip.
Take pride in your scars.
Scars are medals branded on the flesh, and your enemies will be frightened by them because they are proof of your long experience of battle. Often this will lead them to seek dialogue and avoid conflict.
Scars speak more loudly than the sword that caused them.


taken from MANUSCRIPT FOUND IN ACCRA

Wisdom O'Hafiz

Tired of Speaking Sweetly

Love wants to reach out and manhandle us,

Break all our teacup talk of God.

If you had the courage and

Could give the Beloved His choice, some nights,

He would just drag you around the room

By your hair,

Ripping from your grip all those toys in the world

That bring you no joy.

Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly

And wants to rip to shreds

All your erroneous notions of truth

That make you fight within yourself, dear one,

And with others,

Causing the world to weep

On too many fine days.

God wants to manhandle us,

Lock us inside of a tiny room with Himself

And practice His dropkick.

The Beloved sometimes wants

To do us a great favor:

Hold us upside down

And shake all the nonsense out.

But when we hear

He is in such a "playful drunken mood"

Most everyone I know

Quickly packs their bags and hightails it

Out of town.

From: 'The Gift'

Translated by Daniel Ladinsky

Introvert Vs the World

Desiderata

Desiderata
by Max Ehrmann

Thomas Cooper Gotch
Mrs. Fielden, d.1957. Violinist, 1912

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its shams, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Disparities

A quick note on disparities. There is so much discussion, conflict, outrage over the disparity of wealth in the US, the world, our little blue globe that floats out there in space, circling an enormous ball of hot gas on fire. While riding my bicycle to work, my brain clicked on something quite controversial but I know I have been feeling it for a while. I don't care too much about wealth disparity. It is not the disparity that bothers me, it is the fact that 20,000 people die per day of starvation. If everyone had what they needed, why would I care if someone was so needy that they had to have 500 million dollars... who cares? If everyone was fed, clothed, educated (in a beneficial/culturally appropriate/mindful way), were given freedom to pursue their dreams and never see war... would it matter that one person had 500 million dollars if everyone always had at least 100,000 in the bank?

Depending on how you spin large facts/data about the human population, it can either sound hopeful or hopeless, good or bad. Have you ever sat down for a moment and thought, just in this one second if you were required to look at each person who was alive, each square inch of land, each event that happened, no amount of books could ever capture it. So you only were able to experience such a small fraction of life in that one second, in fact, your eyes made up more than half your vision in that second from memory/filling blind spots so hardly anything you saw was the "real thing". Understanding how limited we are in what we can know, it can humble us into the realization that we cannot know everything. No matter how many books we read, how many universities we attend, no matter how many years we live. Ideas, experiences, scenes, voices, words, sights, slip through our brains, many moments never to be remembered again.

Sure numbers matter, people matter, poverty matters, death/war/destruction/unthinkable evil is awful and should be prevented so humans will not suffer but also take a moment to let the unknowingness and made upness of your world and ideas sink in. Our knowledge is limited, our worldview skewed, our opinions biased and possibly insane ~ don't put too much pressure on the human race or our minds. We can spend our whole lives fighting the corruption, the war, the pain, the unfairness in life but only as long as it makes life meaningful for you. To make yourself miserable by helping others is a sad life to live and defeats the purpose. Act on your limited information that you have had the privilege to retain and BE THE HAPPINESS YOU SEEK. People will always disagree with you, you will never do "enough" to "save" the world, you will never know enough, stop enough, give enough. Just be. Let it go, you are your worst critic ~ leave these people and their skewed opinions behind and love everyone with pure heart that first and foremost has no judgement for yourself.

No guilt, love yourself, treat yourself well, love those within reach ~ have compassion for all. We are all very, very limited and insane but beyond our limitations in the mind, we are unlimitedness, the essence of everything itself. Find that in yourself and relax into the flow of life -- This illusion can be changed for the better whether you let it make you feel bad or not, whether you suffer over the suffering or not.

The Danger of Telling a Story That is Not Yours

As I dive into my assigned readings for both my MSW program and my delegation for Human Rights in Rwanda's first conference call, I am being inundated with messages about the White Savior Industrial Complex and how the western people (of whom I suppose I am identified but I would rather just be identified as human even though the political atmosphere of the planet requires that I call myself United Statesian AKA "American") make movies like Kony 2012, etc trying to rally ourselves to go out and Save the World! Of course I am aware of how wonderful Colonialism was for creating mass genocide, unequal wealth, racial/class tensions that have led to wars and struggles for power, etc... 

I found this video especially enlightening as far as showing the complexity of the situation in Uganda and how slogans may be viral on the internet, they do not reflect the reality what is happening.

Each place that has been inhabited by humans on Earth has a long, rich history that most likely includes wars, colonialism, love, happiness, family, community, struggle, poverty, unequal wealth distribution, conflict, disagreements, pain... Westerners and/or foreigners running into places like Uganda or any other "developing" countries to "save people" needs to be seriously evaluated. Sometimes we do not want to see a situation in light of it's true complexity and we just want a quick fix to end our pain at seeing others in pain. This may mean we run and give to charity (which I do too... I am not saying anything is wrong) or we vote for policies that call for us to bring our military and intervene somewhere. I cannot say if anything is right or wrong because I have only lived my own life and the only things I know of the world have been through the filter of my own eyes, bias, education, experience, illusion. What I can say is putting our entire attention and consciousness at each step of our action will most likely keep us from doing harm to others. I read a Buddhist story once that truly brought this concept home for me:

There was a great Buddhist master, Nagarjuna. Once a thief saw him and experienced his infinite grace, so the thief asked Nagarjuna, “Is there any possibility of my growth? I am a thief and I cannot leave my profession, so please don’t ask me to leave it. I will do whatsoever you ask me to do, but I cannot leave my profession. I have tried to stop it many times, but it never worked. Now, I have accepted my destiny.”

Nagarjuna said, “Why are you afraid? Who is going to talk about your being a thief?”

The thief said, “But whenever I have gone to any teacher or a priest, they always ask me first to stop stealing.”

Nagarjuna laughed and said, “Then you must have gone to thieves; otherwise, why should they be concerned?”

The thief said, “Then it is okay. You are the right master for me!”

Nagarjuna accepted him as his disciple and said, “Now you go and do whatsoever you like. Only one thing has to be followed…. Be aware! Break into houses, steal, do whatsoever you like, but do it with full awareness.”

The thief couldn’t understand that, he has already fallen into the trap. He bowed down and left.

After three weeks the thief returned saying, “Now, I am in problem. If I am aware, I just cannot steal and if I steal, my awareness disappears. I am in a fix.”

Nagarjuna said, “No more discussion about your being a thief and stealing. I am not concerned. Now you decide whether you want awareness or stealing.”

The thief said, “Now it is difficult. I have tasted the flavor of awareness and I am ready to leave anything for it.” The thief further said, “Last night, for the first time, I was able to break in to the king’s palace. But when I became aware, suddenly there was no motivation, no desire. The diamonds looked like ordinary stones. When I lost awareness again the treasure was there. This happened many times. But finally I realized that the whole treasure was not worth it…now I can never be a thief again…”

I can only speak for myself. This is a concept I am becoming more and more at peace with. Also I can only comprehend bits and piece of the complexity of the world from the sub-atomic to the universal. In fact, I have never seen an atom, I have trusted my teachers, family, news broadcasters, to tell me atoms exist and an atom was split to kill over 100,000 people at Nagasaki and Hiroshima. A lot of information I have in my brain, I think is true because I have trusted people, scientists, reporters, politicians even though I know much of the world is a struggle for power and people lie all the time to get it. I can only think of Buddha's words that we must rid ourselves of desire to attain peace and I can't think of one conflict that hasn't had something to with resources (including territory) and power. Why would you want power if you are just at peace with the flow of the Tao? 

Life is so impermanent and we are pressured by this large mass of people organized by a government. Our experience as an individual is much different than a group of people. With one person, when we want to walk we walk, when we want to change something about ourselves, we only have to convince ourselves to change. A government and society operates on a much different level and complexity -- what motivates groups to make collective decisions and elect this politician but not that one is hugely a mystery to me. Sure I know a lot about Social Psychology and how we are influenced but I truly only know my own experience of life as an individual. Good and bad, right and wrong are subjective to a large degree and even if there was some universality to it, there are so many competing interests and influences, in my experience I think the most effective way to work towards what you believe in is by working on the local, individual level. We are all individuals, let us work with the people right in front of us. Let us learn from each other, treat each person like a unique, amazing, beautiful individual that is just another manifestation of the life that has sprouted us into being as well. 

I remember watching this TED talk a while ago and it opened my eyes to the uniqueness of our individual ideas of what reality is. I have gained so much wisdom from my partner but one piece that has really stood out for me after all these years together is his idea that "Cada cabesa es su propio universo, cada cabesa es su mundo" or in English, everybody has a different universe in their head. Obviously I can't prove this is true and I am sure many "scientific" studies could prove everyone sees the "same thing", I can tell you that I feel it is true. To base a view on a feeling is highly taboo but please think about all the times you have adverted horrible danger because of a simple feeling. There is wisdom in feeling, in our ability to sense something beyond words and mind chatter. Please enjoy Chimamanda Adichie's The danger of a single story:

Also if you want to keep up with the readings for the Human Rights Delegation to Rwanda: This week we were assigned two very interesting articles: 

http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2012/03/the-white-savior-industrial-complex/254843/2/ 

http://www.granta.com/Archive/92/How-to-Write-about-Africa/Page-1 

Peace and Love to you!

Danielle

Wisdom O'Socrates

Test of Socrates

 

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem.One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about your friend?"

"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test."

"The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and...."

'All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.
Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"